There is something essential—something beautifully human—about the way we come to know our own worth. It does not arrive like a trophy placed in our hands, final and unchanging. Rather, it is a living experience, shaped and reshaped by the ways our core needs have been met, or left unmet, throughout our lives.
From the moment we take our first breath, we are asking the world a question: Am I safe? Am I loved? Do I belong? The answers we receive in childhood form the foundation of our self-worth. When our need for connection is nurtured, when our autonomy is honored, when we are given space to explore, to fail, to be—without impossible expectations pressing down upon us—our sense of self takes root in fertile ground. But when those needs are neglected, distorted, or measured against unattainable ideals, self-worth becomes fragile, a whisper rather than a knowing.
And yet, self-worth is not a fixed destination. It is not something to be attained and then set upon a shelf, never to be considered again. Instead, it is a conversation, an ongoing relationship—one that requires tending, gentle attention, and, at times, a courageous reimagining.
Tending to the Roots of Self-Worth
Take a moment to pause, to turn inward. How are your core needs being met today? Are you nourishing your body with care? Do you feel connected—not just surrounded by people, but truly seen? Are you allowing yourself to live in alignment with what feels true, rather than contorting to meet the expectations of others? Do you feel a sense of agency in your life, the ability to make choices that matter to you? Do you engage in things that remind you of your own strength, your competence, your capacity?
Perhaps, as you reflect, you notice places where these needs feel neglected. This is not a failing. It is an invitation. A small step—a single breath, a single moment of presence—can begin to shift the tide.
And yet, there is another layer beneath this. A deeper current. Our beliefs.
The Unseen Narratives We Carry
Often, when our needs have gone unmet, a story takes root: I am not good enough. I am not lovable. I am helpless. These beliefs are not truths, but echoes of past wounds. They do not belong to you, not really. And yet, they shape the way you move through the world.
If you close your eyes and listen closely, you may hear these whispers. And if you do, you might also hear something else—the possibility of a new story. A story where you are good enough. You are lovable. You are strong. You have influence and agency. You have what it takes to create a life that nourishes you.
Let these words settle in. There is no rush. Change happens not in a single moment, but in the gentle, persistent choosing of a different way.
Releasing the Tyranny of Should
If you were to hold a mirror up to your mind, what shoulds would you see reflected there? I should always be in control. I should make everyone happy. I should never make mistakes. I should be more, do more, achieve more.
And if you were to step back, to see these shoulds not as truths but as burdens, what might it feel like to let them go? Imagine placing each one on a small boat and setting it adrift, watching as it sails away into the horizon, growing smaller and smaller until it is no longer yours to carry.
What remains when the weight of should is lifted? A quiet freedom. A space to live by your own values, rather than someone else’s expectations.
The Ways We Protect Ourselves
When self-worth feels fragile, we develop ways—often unconscious—to cope. Some surrender, shrinking themselves, neglecting their needs, allowing others to mistreat them. Some counterattack, striving for superiority, seeking external validation to fill an internal void. Others avoid, retreating from risks, hiding their true selves to stay safe.
These strategies may have once served a purpose. Perhaps they kept you safe in a world that felt uncertain. But what if they are no longer needed? What if, instead of shrinking or striving or hiding, you could simply be? To let yourself be seen, to express your thoughts and needs, to take up space. To stand in the fullness of your own being and trust that it is enough.
The Journey Back to Yourself
It is not through grand gestures that self-worth is restored, but through small, repeated acts of self-recognition. The willingness to pause. To notice. To nurture. To stand in the truth of who you are, free from the distortions of old wounds and the weight of external expectations.
Your worth was never something you had to earn. It has been yours all along. And as you tend to your needs, rewrite the stories that no longer serve you, and release the burdens you were never meant to carry, you will find that your self-worth does not need to be created.
It only needs to be remembered.
Written by Sergio Nikita Lialin
Sergio is a psychedelic preparation, guidance, and integration coach with over 30 years of experience. His highly unique approach blends the ancient wisdom of indigenous cultures of Latin America, where he studied extensively, with Western training in integrative medicine and psychology.
Bridging traditional guidance with neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and modern psychology, he has developed a proprietary and transformative coaching style. As a lifelong healer, artist, and spiritual counselor, he has compassionately guided individuals and couples toward healing and fulfillment, drawing inspiration from his mentorships in Mexico, Peru, Brazil, and Colombia.He is currently mentoring mental health professionals in psychedelic-assisted therapy.
He can be reached at PsychedelicTherapyMentor@Proton.me